the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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