You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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