So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
