Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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