If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
