and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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