You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
