Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
