theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
