Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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