Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
