Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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