So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize