i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Less talking, more tequila
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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