My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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