was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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