i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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