My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
