i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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