i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
