you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
