I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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