Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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