It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
