I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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