Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
