My first STD was from a foam party
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
