Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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