Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
