would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
