STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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