I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
