It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
