There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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