At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
