I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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