god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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