:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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