I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
