My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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