So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
