so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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