she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
