I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
