I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
