I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
