Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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