I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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