This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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