What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
