I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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