I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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