Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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