Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
