wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I did not marry a roomba.
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